Friday, September 21, 2012



32 weeks and 5 days!! Or wait, is it 35 weeks?

Comparing my picture from last week to this week, it doesn't look like I've gotten much bigger but I must have because I definitely had a presence on the train this week. It's like a domino effect. One person looks, another person looks, and then half the train is looking at me. I sat down on the bus and/or train every single day (roundtrip) this week. Although, I still have to go home from work today, I'm pretty sure I'll also be sitting so I'm giving this week a 100%! BIG change from last week's 50/50!

I was stopped many many times on the street this week, hearing things like.... "Girl! You look amazing pregnant!" and "Your belly is perfectly round and you're REALLY small!" Let's hear it for the little boys in their mommy's bellies! Maybe it is really true what I always heard: "When you're pregnant with a girl, they take all the beauty out of you. When you're pregnant with a boy, they make you look better!" SERIOUSLY?!?

In other news: At Monday's routine check-up, our baby boy was measuring about 2-weeks bigger than originally thought. This is not only possible, but extremely likely. DANG! So while I thought I was looking REAL good at almost 33 weeks, I think I look even better if I really am 35 weeks! Yeah!!

So Friday afternoons and the thought of the weekend always brings the best of intentions. I always have these ideas about what we are going to do with Harper over the weekend. Next week is apple/pumpkin picking! Sounds good, right? Our favorite season in New York is here! Bring on Autumn!

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Post Labor with Harper

I was literally unable to sit on the floor with Harper for the first 8 months of her life. I totally don't mean for this to be a sob story about the post-labor of my first child. It just was not a good time, and unfortunately, we didn't have any help from anyone. I will not get into the REAL details of my post labor with Harper as I'm SURE most of you don't want to hear it (and I'd like to keep some of my privacy intact! ha!). Let's just say that I didn't fully heal from having Harper for a very VERY long time. And I did not have a c-section. I was in a lot of pain - probably more pain than I even lead anyone on to believe I was in. It hurt to pee. It hurt to take showers. It hurt to wear jeans. If you think about how bad those things hurt, you can imagine that NOTHING else was going on down there (if you get what I'm saying). I was going to the doctor more often post-labor than I had to go pre-labor. THAT was how I spent my maternity leave with my first child. It got to the point that it hurt for so long that I totally forgot how it felt to feel normal down there. And, if you think about it, THAT is enough to make anyone depressed - even the happiest of people.

I took off work for 5 months after having Harper. When I finally went back to work after the 5 months, I had to go to my (amazing) boss and tell him that I needed to take off again for short term disability because, well, it had to do with childbirth. Yes, I had to have surgery. And yes, it was like I had another baby but without another baby. And if you must know, everything is perfect now - but it was a long long road to get there.

There are three doctors in the practice we go to. They each alternate who is on-call for labor and deliveries, so a patient is encouraged to build a relationship with each of the doctors during their pregnancy. I have my regular doctor who I see for my annual exams, and who I saw the most after I had Harper. One of the other doctors was the one who delivered Harper. And the third doctor was the one who performed my who-who repair six months after I had Harper. So yes, I REALLY truly have a solid relationship with each of the doctors in the practice. When everyone was telling me how I needed to change my obgyn when he didn't realize I was pregnant at 13 weeks - THIS is the reason why I didn't switch.

The doctor who performed my repair is no longer with the practice, and a new doctor (whom we like very much) has taken her place. We met her for the first time a couple of days ago when I had my routine pre-labor check up. Even though she wasn't around two years ago, she knew of the situation I went through with Harper. Either she read it in my chart, or the other doctors had briefed her on the situation, but we discussed (AGAIN) about what this birth plan is going to be. I'm scared. The entire practice knows I'm scared. The entire practice knows what I went through before and they KNOW the fear I have that what happened before may or may not happen again. So we are taking precautions. I've been asked if I want to do an elective c-section (which I'm a good candidate for) but I've decided that I will try to have this baby just the way I had Harper.

So since we really have NO IDEA when this baby was conceived, my obgyn has been guesstimating when the due date will be by seeing how much the baby measures through sonograms and ultrasounds. Different parts of him have been measuring smaller or bigger and, up until a few days ago, we thought I was about 32 weeks. At my 28-week appointment, his head was measuring 28 weeks, but his legs were measuring at 30. This time, at my 32 week appointment, his entire body was measuring at about 34 weeks and some days. They estimate he is about 5 pounds now which sent me into a bit of panic thinking how big he could possibly get in the next month. Inducing me is a good possibility, which I don't want to do, but I also don't want a 10 pound baby. The doctor even briefly mentioned that she doesn't think my body can handle a baby much bigger than what Harper was (7 pounds and 13 ounces). I am confident in my doctors that they are going to do the right thing for me to make sure what happened before doesn't happen again.

My husband and I were talking this morning about the baby just as we do every single day. And I told him that I wasn't afraid of the labor as much as I'm afraid of the healing afterwards. But as I said in my previous post: everything about this pregnancy is much easier than it was with my first pregnancy... so that, alone, has me thinking positively. (Please pray for me!)

Monday, September 17, 2012

How You Feelin'?

It's a question I get every single day. How are you feelin'? And the answer is, "Really really good!". It's the absolute truth. At 32 weeks, I feel good. Almost too good. I did some thinking about this exact subject this past weekend, and I think I realized that I probably don't feel any better than the majority of pregnant women at this stage - I just honestly think that my first pregnancy was THE MOST difficult pregnancy EVER and my mind thinks that I should be feeling the same way I did a little more than two years ago when I was pregnant with my first child.

I've just come to realize (or maybe I realized it a while ago) that the two words "pregnancy" and "Harper" do not mix. It took a pretty long time to get pregnant with Harper, and as I've touched upon in previous posts, she was ultimately conceived through fertility treatments. After a few failed fertility treatment attempts, we were finally pregnant, and we were pregnant with twins! After about 8 weeks, Harper decided that she was going to dominate my uterus (ha!) and we lost the other baby. Obviously, it's not Harper's fault - either it was a bad egg or a bad sperm - but little baby B "just wasn't meant to be" as our reproductive endocrinologist put it. And yes, we lost the baby AFTER we heard a strong heartbeat at 6 weeks. It happens, and we are so grateful (!!!) that Harper stuck it out in there for the 39 weeks and 6 days that she did.

But, oh mannnn were those 39 weeks and 6 days (and beyond!!) rough.

I was so sick when I was pregnant with Harper. So so sick. I was constantly nauseated and I puked (a lot!) in my first trimester. The smell of unpleasant things (which was everything) sent me dry heaving to the toilet. I felt horrible and I was hungry, but when I ate, I puked. You know how they call it morning sickness? Well, I had middle-of-the-night sickness. So while my husband was sleeping, I was in the bathroom throwing up with only my orange tabby cat consoling me. I know my husband would have gotten up with me, but what could he have done for me? Nothing! But seriously, how evil is it that I couldn't even sleep without being woken up by nausea? I was throwing up well into my second trimester. And I think I even puked once in my third trimester. Dry heaving happened pretty much throughout the pregnancy.

On top of the puking in my first trimester, I was mean. I was really really mean. I was so mean to my husband. My poor husband. I was mean to my co-workers. I was mean to strangers and friends and family. I still blame it on the hormones because not only did I have the normal pregnancy hormones in full effect, but I was also put on extra hormones from fertility treatments to "keep the baby". And let me tell you, EXTRA estrogen for an already pregnant woman isn't good. I felt like a crazy woman. I'm not one to usually get angry very easily, but I was mad at the world and it sucked!

Then once I hit my second trimester, I started to get swollen. I remember it so well, and I will remember it for the rest of my life. Let me just map out some dates for you so you can get an understanding. I got pregnant the end of November. We had a major snow storm in February, and I couldn't zip up my snow boots. And since we live in New York City, we still had some snow on the ground in March. There was one day when I had to use rubberbands (I'm totally serious!) to be able to commute in my snow boots to work. And it was only March! Our baby wasn't due until AUGUST!!! I kept thinking to myself, "This can't be happening! I'm going to be pregnant in my third trimester during the hottest time of the year! How are my legs and feet going to survive?" Well, at the end of it all, they did... but not without pain and not without MANY MANY shoeless days in my office. (I've promised to post a picture of what my feet looked like in my last months of pregnancy, and I will stick to my word! Just not now.)

Harper did not stop moving while she was inside of me. I felt her for the first time at about 13 weeks, and that was the start of it all. She punched, she kicked, she pushed. And I knew, I absolutely knew, we were in for it when she was finally here. And she did not disappoint (and still hasn't!).

I was in labor for 25 hours, which I know, some women go much longer than that. But I was in active labor for about eight. I pushed for three. Yes, people, I PUSHED FOR THREE HOURS! I will always remember that I got the epidural when the sun was going down and she was born at 5:26am just when the sun was coming up! She was here! And things were going to be better, right? RIGHT???

Not so much.

Of course, we were happy she was here with us. But, well, something just wasn't right with me. Physically, I mean. And well, it wasn't until about 5-weeks post labor that I realized it (and after my best friend said).... "What do you mean, you're STILL IN PAIN???" But that's a post for another time......

I heard it a lot during my first pregnancy: "Every pregnancy is different!!" And, in my case, those words, when comparing my two pregnancies, couldn't be any more than the truth! This little boy inside of me now has been, and probably will be, a piece of cake. It's been, so far, the EASIEST pregnancy. Of course, there was the whole "missing the first trimester thing" that you can read about more HERE. But all in all, other than being exhausted, I haven't puked or even felt nauseated. My feet, even at 32 weeks, aren't really swollen. My skin looks great (it didn't look too good when I was pregnant before). And instead of being mean, I've been emotional. Look, my husband will be the first to admit that crying is MUCH better than being a bitch! And while this baby boy moves a lot, he is NOTHING like Harper was while she was in there.

We can not wait until he is born and we can see what kind of baby he is going to be and what or who he is going to look like. We have so many questions that will not be answered until he is here with us in about 8 weeks. So until then, I'm going to keep enjoying this pregnancy and I'm going to keep telling people how wonderful I feel, because, well, I really really do!

Friday, September 14, 2012



It's Friday and I'm feeling very black and white today! Kinda like a cookie. You know, those 50/50 black and white cookies you get at bagel bakeries all over New York City? Yeah, something like that.

So Monday and Thursday, someone offered me their seat during my morning commute. Tuesday and Wednesday, I stood. Today was the day to see if whether or not I'd sit 60% of the time this week, or if I'd stand 60%. I'm starting not to count the bus in my commute because, now, someone is always offering me a seat. I took the unpleasant B54 bus to Jay Street to catch the F train this morning. I stepped on the bus and a white woman about my age looked right at me, smiled, and then kept on sitting. As I've said in previous posts, there are 7 stops on the F train to get to 14th Street. When more people started to board the train at the subsequent stops, I was forced to change which pole I held on to. It was then, at the 3rd stop, that someone offered their seat to me. So would you believe it? I sat 50% of the time and stood the other 50% of the time this week.

Some people have been asking me why I don't touch upon my afternoon commute home. The reason I don't talk about the commute home is because I ALWAYS sit down. The reason for that is because I'm the luckiest woman in the world to have the most amazing boss EVER (trust me on this one, people) and he allows me to leave work at 2:30pm each day (to spend time with my first baby). The trains are just not crowded at 2:30 in the afternoon. This is good for me, because, well, my feet are starting to swell a little bit later in the day.

I've promised myself that I will NOT complain about the swollen feet because I have less than 2 months to go with this pregnancy and the way my feet look with this pregnancy (at 32 weeks) at the end of the day is how my feet looked in the morning when I was 20 weeks. This is a whole 'nother post all together (but you can read a little about it HERE!). Just WAIT until you see a picture of what my feet looked like at this stage when I was pregnant before!

Have a great weekend! Oh, and I'm totally going to be getting a black and white cookie this weekend!

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

31 Weeks (and some days)!


This is what I looked like on Monday during my commute. Cute, right? I'm still managing to fit into some non-maternity clothing, although I'm probably ruining some of my dresses and shirts by wearing them! On Monday, I took a different route to work. I took the route I take home each day. I never take this route in the morning because of all the hipsters I tend to encounter who definitely aren't going to let me sit down. But Monday morning I decided to try it. I walked six blocks to the G train and transfered to the L train at Metropolitan/Lorimer Street. A lot more walking than my usual morning route, but I felt I could do it because it was cooler and not as humid outside. Well, can you believe it. Those hipsters actually let me sit on not one, but TWO trains Monday morning. So I decided Monday morning that for the rest of my pregnancy, I'm going to stop talking shit about the hipsters I see at the Brooklyn Flea each weekend.... or the ones I encounter on the L train going to Williamsburg.

Yesterday, I took the usual morning route. B54 bus (which I NEVER take when I'm not pregnant) to the F train at Jay Street. I don't usually take the 54 bus because it comes from north Brooklyn (aka: bad neighborhood!) and people aren't usually very nice and accommodating to pregnant women or women with children. (Please read previous post from first pregnancy HERE!) I did sit on the bus, but only because there was an open seat, not because someone offered it to me, which is fine. But once I boarded that F Train at Jay Street, I didn't sit for the entire commute. It wasn't until I was at West 4th Street that someone offered me a seat, but only because someone got up to get off at the stop. My stop is 14th Street, so there was no point in sitting down.

Today, I decided to try the route I did on Monday. I sat on the G train because there were empty seats, but I did not sit on the L train. I've decided today that I will NOT be taking this route in the morning anymore. The train was so unbelievably crowded that I hesitated to get on. I had to ride the L train with my hand up in front of my belly just in case someone lost their balance and fell 6 inches into me.

I got off the train at Union Square and I decided to reward myself with a blueberry muffin from Whole Foods. It's the least I can do, right?

Tuesday, September 04, 2012

30.25 Weeks!


Well, hello there. This is me - 30 weeks and 2 days pregnant! And guess what? I stood on the train this morning for my entire 20 minute commute on the F Train from Jay Street in Brooklyn to 14th Street in Manhattan. Between those two stations are 7 stops. Seven stops where people moved and shifted and briefly looked up to see what was going on around them.

One thing I learned today is no one says SHIT to a (very) pregnant woman hugging a pole. You know, the pole that about 8 people hold on to so they don't lose their balance while the train is moving back and forth through tunnels. The people standing look around at the people sitting totally confused, like, "And whyyyy is this woman standing?"

Yeah, I'd love to know also!