Thursday, May 23, 2013


Two weeks ago I received a text from our nanny that no mother wants to receive. I was in my office pumping when the text came in: "Harper fell at the playground. She is hurt. You need to come home."

Our nanny has been with us for over 2 1/2 years. She has seen and taken care of Harper with horrible colds, vomiting, high fevers. When Harper is sick, she has a preferred list of three people - her mommy, her daddy, her Sha-Sha.... in that order. I immediately called our nanny to learn of the damage.

These are the words I heard in 10 seconds: fell ladder cried limping not walking emergency room.

If you know our daughter, you know that she doesn't sit still. EVER. She doesn't walk. SHE RUNS.

"What do you mean, she doesn't want to walk?"

I leave my office in a panic. I don't even tell anyone I'm leaving. I hail a cab and tell the cab driver that I need to go over the Manhattan Bridge to Fort Greene, Brooklyn and politely (or not so politely) say "you better not tell me you aren't taking passengers to Brooklyn." I email my office to tell everyone that Harper is hurt and that I'm already on the way home. On my way, I call Harper's pediatrician for advice on what to do. They tell me to bring her in.

Harper is a tough girl. No, really. She would rather hang out with the 5 and 6 years old boys she sees at the playground than the little girls playing nicely. When we met in the doctor's office, she immediately told me she was hurt. I asked her to see if she could walk. She was scared, but she put weight on her right leg and crumbled to the floor in pain.

She was called back to the room at her pediatrician's office and was seen by the physician's assistant. At this point, Harper was Harper. She was joking around - laughing - smiling. Being her charming self. The PA ruled out a fracture, saying, "If it was broken, she'd be in pain. Her spirits are too high for a broken leg." We were sent home. After getting home, Harper still would not walk. She sat on the couch unable to move.

The next morning, her leg was swollen and bruised. Back to the doctor we went. The PA ruled out a fracture but said she would like to send us to the ER "just in case". The x-ray tech at the hospital also ruled out a fracture. Told me that our child was too happy to have a fractured leg. We were sent home.

It was 28 hours after the fall at the playground that I got a call from the PA. She explained that she got a call from the x-ray tech over at Long Island College Hospital and that Harper has a fractured leg and we need to go back to the ER immediately to have her leg casted.

Visions of a ruined Summer flashed before my eyes. No sprinklers? No swimming lessons? No dance classes? No pools? My heart was broken for her.

She was the life of the party in pediatric ER. The doctors and nurses loved her. They didn't want her to leave! She was such a trooper and didn't shed even one tear as they put the cast on her.

She was bummed for a couple of days, but quickly learned that she could still get around if she crawled and scooted. About 8 days after she got the cast, she learned that should get actually stand upright by holding on to furniture. It took her 10 days to learn that she could walk. Took her 16 days to learn that she could climb.

She got her cast off today. It was the longest 18 days of my life. She still isn't walking. She is taking is slow. But before we know it, I'm sure we will be yelling at her to slow down while she runs and jumps. We will be yelling at her to slow down while she uses her scooter down our street.

"She is determined!" her preschool director told us.
"Nothing is stopping her!" her preschool teacher told us.
"All her friends have stopped climbing at the playground and they sit with Harper and write with chalk!" her nanny told us.
"She is amazing!" everyone told us.

And she is! She really, REALLY is.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Life Change

It was one year ago today that I received the most shocking news of my life. After years of thinking we could never get pregnant on our own, I found out I was almost 16 weeks pregnant with our second child. Well, actually, today was the day I found out I was pregnant after a cheapo Walgreens home pregnancy test. It wasn't until the next day when I was told how far along I was in my pregnancy when I made an emergency trip to my obstetrician. You can read more about the story HERE.

I want to be perfectly clear that Adler was WANTED. He was absolutely wanted. He was just unexpected. We were already talking about when we would start fertility treatments again and he was coming about a year earlier than we had planned. A year ago today, I went to sleep thinking that there was no way I was going to be able to take care of another child in New York City. In our two bedroom apartment. On our fourth floor walk-up.

When I first found out I was pregnant, I was shocked. When I first looked at that positive line on the pee stick, I got an extremely loud ringing in my ears. That ringing had only happened one other time in my life (the moment I realized I was going to marry Charlie after only dating him for 4 months). I feel like it was yesterday that I was sitting in my bathroom on the toilet staring at the stick, thinking that I definitely didn't take the test correctly. There was really just NO way. NO WAY I was pregnant.

But I was. I definitely was.

I went through the next 24 1/2 weeks in disbelief. I was angry (and still am) that I lost my first trimester. I thought his first kicks were gas pains. I thought I was sick, and not pregnant.

We always fantasized about getting pregnant in our bed. When we were going through fertility treatments trying to get pregnant with Harper, we would joke about how we were going to know (down to the exact minute) when our child would be conceived. We were envious of couples who had no idea when they got pregnant. Now, we were one of those couples! Fascinating.

Adler is the most amazing baby. I can't say it enough. When I first found out I was pregnant, I was sick with worry about having another baby like Harper. Don't get me wrong, I LOVEEEEE my little girl. But my little girl is a handful. She was ALWAYS a handful. She was an extremely difficult newborn, infant, toddler.... and now, as bright and beautiful and wonderful as she is, she is an extremely difficult preschooler. That's her. She is going to change the world, I have no doubt in my mind. But I secretly (or not so secretly) hoped that the baby I was about to have would be easier. And he is!

Adler is a joy in my life. I just adore him. He is so easy going. And so so so happy.

I still find myself looking at him every day and just wondering how in the world he came to us. How his little soul chose us to be his parents. I may never know the answer to this, but I know that I must have done something pretty amazing in my life to deserve him.