Sunday, February 29, 2004

I was here 2 months when I saw my first rat down on the subway tracks. When I first moved here, I didn't pay enough attention to the train tracks because I was too busy looking at subway maps. Getting to where I needed to go, without getting lost was my absolute first priority. I had heard about the rats on down in the hole in the ground (subway station) from my next door neighbor. She was talking about them one day and all I could say was....."THERE ARE RATS ON THE SUBWAY TRACKS?!?"

There I was the next day at Hoyt/Schermerhorn waiting for the G train and on the look-out for my first sighting of a subway rat. I can't explain the joy I felt when I saw it run across the tracks. I felt like a real New Yorker.

This is when my rat addiction began.

As I know I don’t want to play with them. And I’m sure that I wouldn’t want to bring one home as a pet. It is safe to say that I kinda like the dirty things. Nothing excites me more than seeing a rat on the subway tracks. I truly don't know what it is about them that fascinates me so much. I’ve seen tiny rats. I’ve seen medium sized rats. I’ve seen rats the size of squirrels! My day is incomplete if I go home without seeing one. And while other people accidentally get a glimpse of one scurrying along, I’m actually sitting there looking for them.

One time when I was waiting for a train, the woman next to me shuttered. I looked down on the tracks and saw a pretty nice sized one walking along. He had an open sore on him and I actually felt bad for the thing! And another time, I saw a rat come out of a rat-hole just as a train was coming and it looked panicked like it didn’t know where to run. I swear I had to hold back screaming “Hurry, get back in the hole!”

For a while, I was seeing one or two or three EVERY day at Hoyt waiting for the G train. Then all of a sudden, the rat sightings stopped. For about a week back in November, I realized… I hadn’t seen my rats in days!! WHAT WAS GOING ON? I then realized (because I saw a sign) that they (the evil rat killing people) had put down RODENTCIDE. I thought to myself… “Those fucking assholes poisoning poor innocent rats!” Of course, I had to call my mom immediately and tell her of the situation. My mom laughing hysterically (because she thinks everything I say is amusing) says: “Beck! rats carry diseases!”

They do?

It is now almost March and the rat sightings at Hoyt have now increased. The rat poison obviously didn’t last too long. They are back to scurrying along on the train tracks. And I’m back to seeing one each night at my last stop to get home from work.

I feel complete again.

Wednesday, February 25, 2004

I am fully convinced that my nose is going to fall off. When the cold weather started here about, um..... 3 months ago, I knew that my nose was going to go through some changes. I never knew that these changes would be as bad as they are at this moment.

Let me first start by telling you what's been going on. As most of you might know already, I have a hard time keeping my fingers out of my nostrils. I don't know why I am 24 years old and still haven't learned to keep my fingers out of the two little holes in the middle of my face. As a little girl my mom always asked me what I was digging for and if there was anything left "up there." I just laughed it off. Now I see the reason why.

It is now years later, and I have met another person (Charlie) who keeps telling me that I need to keep my fingers out of my nose. I always thought "who is it hurting? at least I don't do it out in public!"

During the last few months, my nose has gone from dry to dryer. The freezing cold temperatures and dry heat in my apartment (that damn space heater!) has taken a toll on one of the parts of my body that is suppossed to keep moist at all times. I woke up last week to my dry nostrils, moved my face around a bit and realized I had some stuff up there.

And this is where it all begins.

I began to stick that right hand pointer finger up my right nostril that I've done many times before and felt I got something. I was pulling at something when I realized it was not the usual up-the-nose feeling. What I was feeling was not a booger, it was actually skin that had dryed so hard in my nose that it hurt.

This was when I realized I had gone too far. Since I thought it was a booger (as I have said.... I have no problems picking my nose) I started to pull at it. But to my horror, it wasn't a booger at all. It was the skin IN MY NOSE!!!

It was too late. My nose had already begun to bleed and there was no turning back.

It is a week later and my nose still hasn't healed. I was telling Charlie today that I don't know if it's ever going to heal. My roommates keep telling me that I need to put neosporin up my nose! (HELLO! That stuff is for external extremeties!)

So all of you think I have learned my lesson? NOPE! I'm still sticking my fingers up there. I guess I'm thinking that maybe, just maybe, the familiar finger that my nostrils know so well will help to soothe the area I picked so badly.

I guess the answer is the only way I'm hitting gold is if I go buy it. But for now.....

My nose really hurts.

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

Why is it that some people in this country make so much money and don't even have a college education? Does that mean I didn't receive a decent education in college? I wonder this everyday. Did I waste my time in college? I'm trying to understand the reason I busted my ass during my 5 years in undergraduate and I've yet to come up with any answer.

And then I think... "oh yeah. Law school."

Is being a lawyer something I really want(ed) or some kind of status symbol for me to achieve? Two days ago, I was almost relieved to find my tenth rejection letter in the mail. Nine from last year and one came this year for a total of, you guessed it, TEN rejection letters and a whole lotta wasted money on application fees. And this is alright with me. Maybe in 5 years. Maybe in 10 years. Who knows. All I know is right now, the money isn't worth the aggrivation of being an attorney. And anyways, is that what having a career is really all about?

I should be old enough and educated enough to realize that life shouldn't be all about money. But truthfully, it is. I have this strong belief that money is the root of all evil. Everything that happens in life is about money. And why is that?

Charlie told me a few days ago that "this is suppossed to be the best times of our lives." What I'd like to tell him is that the best time of our lives is going to be when I'm not worried about making enough money to build back up my savings account or when we live in a better neighborhood where I feel safe enough walking back from the subway at night by myself. The best time of our lives will be when we are secure with money........

The store I work for was robbed today. A man simulated a gun and stole about $500 in cash out of our register. And it isn't about money?

I need to go to law school.