There are some HOT Jewish guys in New York City.
I knew even before I moved here, that I was moving into a large Jewish population. But growing up, I always looked at Jewish men as being boring and, sorry to say, not too attractive. Coming from Virginia Beach, the only attractive Jewish men I saw were my brother and my dad. But I’m telling you… these past couple of weeks, I have seen some fine looking Jewish men walking down the 5th Avenue sporting a yarmulke on their kepies.
I can just hear my dad now…. “I knew she’d come around!”
But seriously, I’m thinking to myself… where are they coming from?!? They are everywhere. Is it because it’s summer? They come out when it’s warm outside? They hibernate when it’s cold?
I think my eyes are more open to spotting these men because I work in a law office surrounded by Jewish men who cover their little heads everyday.
Last week, I was told by an attorney in my office that one of the paralegals from our office in Israel was going to come by this week to help me learn some things. I walk in to my office this morning and this paralegal was not a woman… it was, you guessed it, a fine looking Jewish man! And the word “fine” isn’t cutting it here. I couldn’t freaking believe how gorgeous this guy was!
So I sit at my desk and write an email to my office manager saying: “WHY COULDN’T YOU ALL WARN ME THAT HE WAS HOT! I’ve told you of my run-in with these good looking Jewish guys” To which her reply was: “He’s taken and SO ARE YOU, MISSY!”
I sit there at my computer with him next to me. And he’s dressed all nice and his hair is done well. And his cell phone rings. Of course he answers it. I hear him whispering in the phone: “awww… baby. Blahblahblah.” I sit there thinking… “Can’t he get off the phone with is girlfriend? I mean, shit! We’re trying to do work here!” And just as I’m about to get a little too aggravated, he hangs up the phone, looks at me and says: “My boyfriend drives me crazy!”
But the truth of the matter is, I am in love with a man who’s a goy and although my family has accepted the fact, I know there will always be this thing in the back of their minds that I will find a nice Jewish man.
And today I’ve finally come to the conclusion of why I’m not with a Jewish man:
All hot Jewish men are gay.
(Charlie: please understand that when I write this, you are my world. And even though these Jewish men are hot… they will never be as hot as you.)
(Dad: get Charlie a yarmulke!)