How You Feelin'?

It's a question I get every single day. How are you feelin'? And the answer is, "Really really good!". It's the absolute truth. At 32 weeks, I feel good. Almost too good. I did some thinking about this exact subject this past weekend, and I think I realized that I probably don't feel any better than the majority of pregnant women at this stage - I just honestly think that my first pregnancy was THE MOST difficult pregnancy EVER and my mind thinks that I should be feeling the same way I did a little more than two years ago when I was pregnant with my first child.

I've just come to realize (or maybe I realized it a while ago) that the two words "pregnancy" and "Harper" do not mix. It took a pretty long time to get pregnant with Harper, and as I've touched upon in previous posts, she was ultimately conceived through fertility treatments. After a few failed fertility treatment attempts, we were finally pregnant, and we were pregnant with twins! After about 8 weeks, Harper decided that she was going to dominate my uterus (ha!) and we lost the other baby. Obviously, it's not Harper's fault - either it was a bad egg or a bad sperm - but little baby B "just wasn't meant to be" as our reproductive endocrinologist put it. And yes, we lost the baby AFTER we heard a strong heartbeat at 6 weeks. It happens, and we are so grateful (!!!) that Harper stuck it out in there for the 39 weeks and 6 days that she did.

But, oh mannnn were those 39 weeks and 6 days (and beyond!!) rough.

I was so sick when I was pregnant with Harper. So so sick. I was constantly nauseated and I puked (a lot!) in my first trimester. The smell of unpleasant things (which was everything) sent me dry heaving to the toilet. I felt horrible and I was hungry, but when I ate, I puked. You know how they call it morning sickness? Well, I had middle-of-the-night sickness. So while my husband was sleeping, I was in the bathroom throwing up with only my orange tabby cat consoling me. I know my husband would have gotten up with me, but what could he have done for me? Nothing! But seriously, how evil is it that I couldn't even sleep without being woken up by nausea? I was throwing up well into my second trimester. And I think I even puked once in my third trimester. Dry heaving happened pretty much throughout the pregnancy.

On top of the puking in my first trimester, I was mean. I was really really mean. I was so mean to my husband. My poor husband. I was mean to my co-workers. I was mean to strangers and friends and family. I still blame it on the hormones because not only did I have the normal pregnancy hormones in full effect, but I was also put on extra hormones from fertility treatments to "keep the baby". And let me tell you, EXTRA estrogen for an already pregnant woman isn't good. I felt like a crazy woman. I'm not one to usually get angry very easily, but I was mad at the world and it sucked!

Then once I hit my second trimester, I started to get swollen. I remember it so well, and I will remember it for the rest of my life. Let me just map out some dates for you so you can get an understanding. I got pregnant the end of November. We had a major snow storm in February, and I couldn't zip up my snow boots. And since we live in New York City, we still had some snow on the ground in March. There was one day when I had to use rubberbands (I'm totally serious!) to be able to commute in my snow boots to work. And it was only March! Our baby wasn't due until AUGUST!!! I kept thinking to myself, "This can't be happening! I'm going to be pregnant in my third trimester during the hottest time of the year! How are my legs and feet going to survive?" Well, at the end of it all, they did... but not without pain and not without MANY MANY shoeless days in my office. (I've promised to post a picture of what my feet looked like in my last months of pregnancy, and I will stick to my word! Just not now.)

Harper did not stop moving while she was inside of me. I felt her for the first time at about 13 weeks, and that was the start of it all. She punched, she kicked, she pushed. And I knew, I absolutely knew, we were in for it when she was finally here. And she did not disappoint (and still hasn't!).

I was in labor for 25 hours, which I know, some women go much longer than that. But I was in active labor for about eight. I pushed for three. Yes, people, I PUSHED FOR THREE HOURS! I will always remember that I got the epidural when the sun was going down and she was born at 5:26am just when the sun was coming up! She was here! And things were going to be better, right? RIGHT???

Not so much.

Of course, we were happy she was here with us. But, well, something just wasn't right with me. Physically, I mean. And well, it wasn't until about 5-weeks post labor that I realized it (and after my best friend said).... "What do you mean, you're STILL IN PAIN???" But that's a post for another time......

I heard it a lot during my first pregnancy: "Every pregnancy is different!!" And, in my case, those words, when comparing my two pregnancies, couldn't be any more than the truth! This little boy inside of me now has been, and probably will be, a piece of cake. It's been, so far, the EASIEST pregnancy. Of course, there was the whole "missing the first trimester thing" that you can read about more HERE. But all in all, other than being exhausted, I haven't puked or even felt nauseated. My feet, even at 32 weeks, aren't really swollen. My skin looks great (it didn't look too good when I was pregnant before). And instead of being mean, I've been emotional. Look, my husband will be the first to admit that crying is MUCH better than being a bitch! And while this baby boy moves a lot, he is NOTHING like Harper was while she was in there.

We can not wait until he is born and we can see what kind of baby he is going to be and what or who he is going to look like. We have so many questions that will not be answered until he is here with us in about 8 weeks. So until then, I'm going to keep enjoying this pregnancy and I'm going to keep telling people how wonderful I feel, because, well, I really really do!