It was one year ago today that I received the most shocking news of my life. After years of thinking we could never get pregnant on our own, I found out I was almost 16 weeks pregnant with our second child. Well, actually, today was the day I found out I was pregnant after a cheapo Walgreens home pregnancy test. It wasn't until the next day when I was told how far along I was in my pregnancy when I made an emergency trip to my obstetrician. You can read more about the story HERE.
I want to be perfectly clear that Adler was WANTED. He was absolutely wanted. He was just unexpected. We were already talking about when we would start fertility treatments again and he was coming about a year earlier than we had planned. A year ago today, I went to sleep thinking that there was no way I was going to be able to take care of another child in New York City. In our two bedroom apartment. On our fourth floor walk-up.
When I first found out I was pregnant, I was shocked. When I first looked at that positive line on the pee stick, I got an extremely loud ringing in my ears. That ringing had only happened one other time in my life (the moment I realized I was going to marry Charlie after only dating him for 4 months). I feel like it was yesterday that I was sitting in my bathroom on the toilet staring at the stick, thinking that I definitely didn't take the test correctly. There was really just NO way. NO WAY I was pregnant.
But I was. I definitely was.
I went through the next 24 1/2 weeks in disbelief. I was angry (and still am) that I lost my first trimester. I thought his first kicks were gas pains. I thought I was sick, and not pregnant.
We always fantasized about getting pregnant in our bed. When we were going through fertility treatments trying to get pregnant with Harper, we would joke about how we were going to know (down to the exact minute) when our child would be conceived. We were envious of couples who had no idea when they got pregnant. Now, we were one of those couples! Fascinating.
Adler is the most amazing baby. I can't say it enough. When I first found out I was pregnant, I was sick with worry about having another baby like Harper. Don't get me wrong, I LOVEEEEE my little girl. But my little girl is a handful. She was ALWAYS a handful. She was an extremely difficult newborn, infant, toddler.... and now, as bright and beautiful and wonderful as she is, she is an extremely difficult preschooler. That's her. She is going to change the world, I have no doubt in my mind. But I secretly (or not so secretly) hoped that the baby I was about to have would be easier. And he is!
Adler is a joy in my life. I just adore him. He is so easy going. And so so so happy.
I still find myself looking at him every day and just wondering how in the world he came to us. How his little soul chose us to be his parents. I may never know the answer to this, but I know that I must have done something pretty amazing in my life to deserve him.
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I'm just a Virginia Beach girl, what can I tell ya?
1 comment:
I'm so happy for your unexpected surprise. My pregnancy too was unexpected. Not unwanted, but about a year earlier than we'd planned on. And definitely never imagined I'd have twins. So, my surprise was different, but I can definitely relate. And I can also relate to the anger. Although, mine is anger over losing the last 16 weeks of my pregnancy to bedrest. Laying in bed in a hospital and never having a baby shower, or the experience of maternity clothes, or having strangers try to rub my belly or ask me what I'm having. So I do understand that anger...even though you love your child so much that you feel guilty about anger over your pregnancy. And I also understand loving the very difficult child (mine is Sammy) and thanking god for the easy-peasy child (David). It's especially bittersweet for me because Sammy is like my twin... so stubborn, independent, and smart. I both love and am completely frustrated by how much he is like me. :) But luckily I also have David, who is just like his dad! I couldn't take another mini-me.
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