Tuesday, April 09, 2013

Am I Tired? Nooooo. Not me.

I'll tell you the fastest way to lose your shit. I finally realized it today.

Wake up at 1:30am to your babbling baby who you sleep trained two weeks ago to sleep through the night. Listen to that baby babble (in your room because you only live in a two bedroom apartment and your oldest child is a pain in the ass to get to sleep each night) for 2 hours before he starts to wail and cry for another two hours, finally falling asleep 30 minutes before you are supposed to wake up for work. You know, that job that you called in sick to yesterday because you only got 4 hours of sleep the night before. Only THIS morning, you realize that you only got 3 hours of sleep (and it wasn't consecutive time).

Get dressed and you're out the door (20 minutes late because that's the new norm!) and you realize that you have to move the car. The car that's parked on a New York City street. A street that is going to start filming a movie today and your car will be towed if you don't move it! Thinking it won't take too long, you keep positive until an HOUR AND 15 MINUTES LATER, you still haven't found a parking spot.

Arrive to work a full hour late. (I really wish I was kidding!) You know, that job that you called in sick to yesterday? Yeah, you show up an hour late today.

Drudge through the day only to have your (amazing) boss tell you that you aren't looking yourself and that you need to go home and sleep.

Realize you forgot to buy your fabulous husband a birthday card (it's his birthday today), so you make a beeline to the closest shop near home to pick up a fancy card. You pick out the card and the cashier says, "That will be $5.39, please.", and you open your wallet to realize that you have a five dollar bill, a dime and a penny. The cashier actually gives you money from the "extra change" in the shot glass sitting right next to the cash register. (What I really needed was a shot of vodka in that glass!)

Get home and have the nanny tell you that your wild 2 1/2 year old did not take a nap today. You know, that one kid who is literally jumping off the windowsills in your apartment and screaming "TAH DAH!!!"? Yeah, that's the one. And your infant only took a 20 minute afternoon nap.

Put on Sesame Street because it's the ONLY THING that will keep you sane at this point. Isn't it amazing how Sesame Street will keep you sane? Start nursing your infant to take a nap and you're so tired that you nod off too - only to be woken up by your screaming preschooler up in your face telling you to "WAKE UP MOMMY!!! OPEN. YOUR. EYES!!!"

Have your infant cry cry cry for a half hour straight because you can't hold him while you make your preschooler a cheese omelet for dinner, microwave her string beans (yes, I microwaved her vegetables!), or while you slice her tiny green grapes into quarters just because "that's the way I like it, mommy!".

Text your best friend for affirmation that your preschooler's age is the most difficult age, and "no, you should not smack her."

ALL this while it's (literally!) 80 degrees in your apartment when it was (exaggeration) 20 degrees in your apartment three nights ago and none of your dresses or short sleeve tops fit because your boobs are so big from all the excess milk you are producing.

Whew. What a day.

1 comment:

AKK said...

No words. That day sucks. Hope today is better!