I’ve seen cats. I’ve seen dogs. Unfortunately, I’ve even seen a cockroach on a subway train. But nothing prepared me for what I was about to see on the subway car a few weeks ago as Charlie and I got on the C train to head home from dinner after eating on the upper west side.

A pigeon.

That’s right! A New York City pigeon was riding on the C train. I swear – only in New York do you see this kind of thing. I have no idea how the pigeon got there. I have no idea how long he was a passenger. But he was there. And he was cute.

The cats I’ve seen on the train have mostly been kept in pet carriers. Although, I have had a reoccurring meeting with a cute little orange tabby who is always with the same crazy homeless man. The dogs I’ve seen have been with owners who hold them in their arms or even in backpacks. I saw a cute little dog with a gay couple a few months back and they couldn’t stop talking about how great the dog was. The cockroach on the other hand, was not such a pleasant experience. I was reading a magazine when I saw something out of the corner of my eye (on the seat) moving towards me. I looked down, and I swear I practically shit in my pants. It was my FIRST sighting of a cockroach in NYC. Since then, I’ve seen many more – but that’s another post all together.

Being the animal lover I am, of course I had to save the poor bird. I told Charlie that we were going to get off at the next stop so we could put it outside where it belonged. Charlie looks over at me and says – “Are you crazy? It’s a dirty New York City pigeon! I’m not touching that thing!” I look at him and said – “This is New York! If we don’t save it, it’s going to be someone’s dinner!”

I decided that we would wait until our next stop, scoop up the dirty bird, and bring it outside. I thought this was a good idea, until – somehow – the bird found its way to the door of the train and just hopped out of the subway car. Everyone on the train cheered as if the bird had done something miraculous. Of course, I couldn’t just let the bird stay on the subway platform! I was determined. This bird would be saved!

I get up and hear Charlie say – “Leave it alone. It will be fine!” I scream, “No it won’t be fine! It’s going to get hit by a train!” We jump out of the subway car and there I am chasing the fucking bird on the platform. You can just imagine the looks on people’s faces as I’m chasing a bird in the subway station.

But I caught it. And as I’m holding the bird with two hands - I walk through the train station. Charlie stayed on the train’s platform (I think he was embarrassed.) At one point, a man looked at me and started busting out laughing – he must have been thinking I was some crazy girl trying to make a pet of a New York City pigeon. I looked back at him and tried to explain – “I found him on the subway car! Can’t you believe that?!” He didn’t look amused.

And as I made my way out on to Spring Street to free the pigeon from my hands, all I kept thinking was…

(This line is for normal people): “You won’t be anyone’s dinner tonight unless a cat gets a hold of you!”

(This line is for my mom): “Read my beak…. No more birds.”