Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Just when I think it’s finally getting warm, Mother Nature comes to kick me in the ass.

I grew up my whole life in a town where the threat of snow turns every person into a complete raving lunatic. When the weatherman says three inches of snow in Virginia Beach, he means a dust of snow that melts by the time the day is over. But that doesn’t stop the idiots who are at the grocery store stocking up on fifty gallons of water and cans of food. As soon as that weather man on the 5 o’clock news hints of snow, emergency flashing lights pop up on the television screen. All the public schools in Hampton Roads are cancelled. Everything is shut down. The people of the Hampton Roads community are prisoners in their own home because well….. It MIGHT snow tomorrow!

Now, I just live in a city where there are lunatics no matter what the weather is. But that is beyond my point.

When it snows in New York City, it really really snows. And it just doesn’t snow….. it SNOWS! No one (other than Charlie) can fully understand how miserable I was back in December for my first New York City snowstorm. I learned back in December that when the weather man says it’s going to snow nine to twelve inches in New York City, it doesn’t mean it’s going to snow three inches (like it would in Virginia Beach). What he really means is it’s going to snow 15 to 18. I learned this the hard way when I didn’t prepare for a snowstorm in New York City.

It’s now three months later and do you think the snow has gotten any easier? NOPE! There is snow on the ground and it still pisses me off. It pisses me off so much that when I saw a rat in on the tracks today, I muttered to myself “dirty rat!”

Last night, the weatherman said, “Accumulations up to one inch!”…. What he really meant to say was “Expect three to five.”

And unless you’ve lived here, you can’t understand how the snow just swirls up into your face. You can be wrapped up with NO PART OF YOUR BODY showing, holding an umbrella…. but when you take off that coat, somehow, someway, you’re clothing is wet! How does this happen? Can someone please explain to me how the hell this happens?

Even worse are the lakes of water/slush/ice at every street corner that just “happen” to blend in with the color of the street. You are walking along, minding your own business, getting ready to cross the street, when all of a sudden, you step in the biggest puddle of your life and not only are your shoes and socks soaking wet – you’re wet all the way up to your knees!

The snow from the entire winter just melted here last week. There was no evidence any snow had fallen here. I was ready for spring. But this morning, I found myself putting on (yet again) a scarf, gloves, hat and my heavy coat with a long sweater underneath for extra warmth - ready to battle another fucking snow storm.

And the weatherman says to prepare for snow again on Friday.

God help me.

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