As many stray cats as there are in New York City, you would think it would be easy to just go to a shelter and pick out a cat. This is what you would think, right? Don’t be fooled.

To adopt a homeless cat in Manhattan, you have to go through screening like you’re being hired for the CIA. It’s amazing to me because a person can honestly pick up a cat off the street faster than they can adopt one from a shelter. And at a shelter, you have to actually PAY for the cat! You might as well pick them up off the streets!

The kitty we found in a trash can in Bed-Stuy last year was driving us absolutely crazy, so we decided to get her a friend so we could be driven crazy by two cats. Good idea, huh? After months of looking on Petfinder.com, we decided it would be best to go to the Humane Society.

Reputable shelter = healthy homeless cat.

It took us weeks to get our kitty. First, we had to fill out an application. They needed references! And they actually called them! Second, we went through questioning. Is your cat declawed? How long have you had him/her? Where did you find him/her? How many cats have you had in your lifetime? And the questions went on. When we finally picked one out at the Humane Society, they said there was a waiting period to make sure we wanted the cat!

I think these shelters get attached to the cats and they don’t want them to be adopted. And I think I really may be on to something here. It’s sad because some of these cats have probably never seen or even remember what it looks like outside. All they know are cages. But I’m serious; each cat we looked at had a story as to why it couldn’t be adopted. “That one bites.” Duh, it’s a cat!

I was the perfect candidate for adopting a cat from a shelter. There was no way they could turn me down. I’ve had four cats in my lifetime; two of them I picked up off the streets. My fiancé on the other hand, has only had the cat we found last year in the trash.

After the waiting period was complete, I called to reiterate to the woman at the shelter that, yes, we WANTED the cat! To which she replied to me, “We are concerned as to whether or not your fiancé was excited about the cat.”

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? GIVE ME THE DAMN CAT!

Like I said, it’s easier to pick a cat up off the street. But I’m happy we stuck by our decision because now we have a healthy happy cat… and it’s not homeless anymore.